Come out, come out, wherever you are

Between Rick Mercer’s rant, last week’s Globe and Mail editorial, and a bunch of media stories in between, there has been a lot of discussion in the past week about whether or not queer folks in the public eye should be out and visible.

I am downright militant on this topic, acknowledging my (fortunate) context as an assertive, proudly gay man here in Canada: if you’re gay, you should come out. If you are a public figure, you should be visible. High-profile, closeted public figures are cowards who perpetuate the oppression of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people by pretending that their sexuality has nothing to do with their public persona.

I’m not saying I’ll out you if I know you’re in the closet: your decision to come out is your own. But I will encourage you at every opportunity to stop living a lie, for the good of all of us; and I will support your decision to live with honesty and integrity, as a member of a community that should (and will) stand together.

As adults, we can all make choices about who we associate with, where we work, and how we present ourselves. We can steer clear of bigots, and play the pronoun game in our day-to-day business. What a luxury. Teenagers and kids in schools do not enjoy these freedoms. They can’t choose their school, often; can’t choose their social circles; can’t choose their work environment. A gay kid — or even a kid that is simply perceived as gay — must walk brazenly, every day, through an obstacle course of hatred, fear, and a feeling that They Don’t Fit. On a daily basis, these kids demonstrate a level of courage that some public figures — those who hide their sexuality for the sake of personal advancement — will never know.

If you are a public figure and you are in the closet, the BEST “it gets better” message you can offer is “just hang in there until you graduate. Then you can hide, just like I do”. Fuck that, and — yes — fuck you, too.

Stop telling kids it gets better. Make it better. Hold hands in public. Put your arm around your lover on the bus. Correct people when they assume you’re going home to someone of the opposite gender. Don’t assume Ellen Degeneres and Neil Patrick Harris have the gay role model jobs sewn up. If you are a cop or a firefighter or a teacher or a mayor or a cabinet minister or a radio host or a DJ in your community, you need to be a role model for that community. Kids and teens need to see out, happy, visible queers on their streets, on their local TV stations, and in their local shopping malls. Thousands of activists before you have stood up and fought for the protections we all enjoy (and are still fighting for). Use them. Lead by example. If we don’t, we will continue to find the blood of our young people on our hands.

It is ONLY when people STOP asking “why do you need to tell people you’re gay?” that we will have achieved full equality.

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