My tech compulsion: my phone is my master

Over the past few weeks, I have learned that I am utterly unable to ignore my phone. Unless I turn it off, it rules me completely.

I became aware of this because I fell in love with the act of turning my phone off while dedicating time to writing. The less distraction I have, the better: the ability to focus on a single task is not one of my strengths. Turning the phone off and using nothing but a text editor has led to incredible productivity, most of the time.

The simple corollary is that my productivity is lessened most of the time as a result of having my phone on. Typically, I dispute this notion. But I have observed that I am unable to ignore an incoming email, text message, or push notification of any kind when my phone is within reach. No matter what I’m doing, the polite prompt of a short vibration or ‘ding’ orders me to pull out my phone and figure out who or what wants me for something. I cannot ignore this prompt; it is a true compulsion. When I receive a notification that I don’t immediately acknowledge in some way, I feel a mild pang of anxiety that grows exponentially until I buckle down, pull the phone from my pocket it, and respond to it.

This is reinforced by my iPhone’s insistence on notifying me a second time for every text message that I don’t immediately read. The second polite ‘ding’ takes place about a minute after the first. Subconsciously I know that this second notification must not be allowed to happen. It’s a 36-year-old’s game of “step on a crack and break your mother’s back” that I didn’t even know I was playing. Even if I am out walking, I must stop, pull out the cursed device, read the message, respond to it, put the phone away, and then keep moving. My response elicits a new message, and the whole process is repeated until it takes me twice as long as necessary to get where I’m going. And I end up annoyed about being constantly interrupted.

I know the answer to all of this: turn the phone off more (or, at least, the notifications). I just don’t know if I can.

The other day I ran for the bus and got on without realizing that I had left my phone behind. My anxiety over not having it was so strong that I had to fight the urge to go back home and look for it. I begrudgingly opted to re-plan my day so that I could function without Twitter, Foursquare, my workout plan, music, a clock, a calorie tracker, an expense tracker, and more. The day went by without issue — just a different routine than usual, underscored by a generalized anxiety over the lack of an iPhone in my left front pocket — but the commanding impulse I had on my return home was to Get My Hands On That Phone And Catch Up.

I’m not sure what to do about all of this. I rely on my iGadgetry for almost every aspect of my life. The utility of these devices is what makes them worth having — right? But I worry that the line between “reliance” and “addiction” is blurring, and am not sure what to do to make the line clear… and keep it clear. I welcome advice…!

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