Cue-to-cue rehearsals suck

The most disorienting form of Actor Torture is the cue-to-cue, or Q2Q. Designed to be of benefit to the technical personnel on the show, this rehearsal is run by going over all of the bits of the show where technical things must happen: sound cues, lighting cues, special effects, quick changes, etc. In order to make the most of the time, the play is not run in its entirety; we start a line or two before a cue is called, and end a line or two after it has been executed. The cast of the play is at the mercy of the technical team, but that’s okay because the techies usually have quite a bit of work to do in order to get all the cues running smoothly.

From an actor’s perspective, though, it’s like an advanced form of dementia. The stage manager and crew are very busily working away by themselves while the cast stands ready on stage. At any moment the stage manager will say “Okay. Go from ‘Yes…yes…’” and the cast is expected to know what line ‘Yes…yes…’ is, who says it, what the position the furniture is in, and (most importantly) what line comes next. Just as the fog clears, the correct actor utters ‘Yes…yes…’ and everyone has figured out Where They Are, the stage manager says “Thank you! Now let’s skip to ‘What is it?’!” and the process begins again. The whole thing is executed at a rapid-fire pace and usually takes no less than three hours; the end result is that all actors’ brains have turned to mush.

Q2Q rehearsals are governed by very simple rules:

1. Actors are not in charge. Ever. (Note: This rule is included here only for the sake of completeness. In actual fact, this rule appears an ALL the lists of simple rules for governing EVERYTHING related to the performing arts)
2. The most vague lines in the play, or the ones that are repeated most often, are the lines that must be used before each cue
3. For each time the actors can’t figure out which vague instance of “What is it” is the right one, the stage manager is entitled to one paralyzing glare and two Marge-Simpson-esque “Mmmrmrmrrrrmrrrrgrrgrrr” noises
4. Actors must be kept disoriented so they don’t start Making Suggestions or Being Helpful
5. The faster we can get from cue to cue to cue, the faster we get down to the pub for a pint

In the past two days we’ve gone through our Q2Q and technical rehearsal for The Real Inspector Hound. Last night, we even got our body: some poor soul who’s excitement for the theatre has led him to agree that he wants to be lying face-down on stage for 75 minutes every night trying not to look like he’s breathing. Tonight we have a small invited audience for our dress rehearsal, and I’m willing to bet that a large number of them will spend a good deal of time staring at the body to see if he’s actually dead. Poor bastard.

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